Writing

Sex by Numbers

cover12smallThe day after Lucie Maddox’s husband James announces, “It’s not working,” and that he’s leaving her after the best part of thirty years of supposedly monogamous marriage, she finds a magazine article suggesting that she’s been living like a nun. In particular, she reads that the average woman has had thirteen partners by the time she’s fifty. At forty-nine, she’s only had two, and the first hardly counted.
That evening, she finds some pornographic videos on James’s computer, which serves as even more of an eye opener.
Her best friend Jenny guides her towards the uncharted waters of Internet dating, so beginning a truly rollercoaster education. Be warned, this novel contains strong language and explicit sex scenes.
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“A corker of a book.”

 

 

Tilly Lake’s Road Trip

roadtripsmallAs a child, Tilly dreamt that Prince Charming would drive her around Britain in a pink car. At nineteen she married John Lake. When she was fifty-eight, John was found dead in a hotel room wearing nothing but a condom. Using the life insurance money, Tilly buys an American car (black, not pink), hires a twenty-five year old Welshman (who is short, dark and handsome), and sets off to fulfil her childhood dream.
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“Great read, great characters, great fun.”

 

 

Flying Lessons

A love story of sortsWhen Swann was referred to the psychiatric clinic for assessment, he assumed it would be purely routine. But then he met Alison.
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“Magical” “Left field” “Recommended!”

“Brilliant plot and I loved the blend of emotion and humour.”

 

 

 

Ernestine And Walter

amazoncoverErnestine runs a pasty shop in the Cornish town of St Ives. Walter is Mrs Trewednack’s cat, who likes to sit on the windowsill, and beg for fishy titbits when the fishermen come in to buy their pasties for lunch.
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“The cat’s meow.”

 

 

 

Kissing The Abyss


Colin’s life wasn’t going well, until he found a mermaid.

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Short story.
 

 

 

XYZ


When Jane Jones finds out about her husband’s affairs, she sets out to get her own back by sleeping with Andrew. However, that turns out just to be the start.

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Short story.
 

 

 

Life After Pole Dancing

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Angela Parker thinks that gin is a vitamin and that a stuffed olive counts as two of her five a day. On the same day as she loses her job as a topless pole dancer, she meets Geoffrey, a young curate, and they watch four people dragging a body away. That’s just the start. Contains strong language and sex scenes.

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“A warm, funny, and life-affirming read.”
 

 

Where Love Takes You
wherelovetakesyousmall
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Evelyn and Tammy meet two handsome Englishmen at a ceremony to present Henry with an award in Oregon, and a brief romance ensues, cut short when the men return to Britain. However, an offer from a developer to buy the women’s farms gives the two women the chance to travel, and Henry the chance to race in England.

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How to run a railway

Yesterday, I came home by train, and since I didn’t want to stand up for five and a bit hours, I reserved a seat on the 12.03 from Paddington. Or not.

As 12.00 approached, the information boards said ‘Please wait’ for the Penzance train, along with warnings that the doors would be shut 30 seconds before the train was due to leave. There are very few seats at Paddington station, so I had to stand until my back ached. Fortunately, with a couple of minutes to go, the announcement came through that the train would be leaving from platform four, and the crowds surged towards the barrier. As it seemed unlikely that the train doors were about to be shut with half of Paddington station trying to get on, I let the herds go through first, secure in the knowledge that I had a reserved seat in coach H. Or not.

Closest to the barrier was coach A, followed by B, C, D, E, F, K, and so on. There was no coach H. However, a GWR employee on the platform announced that reservations for coach H would be found in coach F. Problem solved. Or not.

I worked my way through coach F, starting at seat 1, and when I finally reached the other end, I discovered that the last seat was number 70, which (like every other seat in coach F) was occupied. I checked. No seat 71. Fighting my way against the tide of passengers struggling (misguidedly) to get into coach F, I returned to the platform to ask the GWR employee what I should do. “See if you can find a seat somewhere else,” he suggested. Meanwhile, the announcements informed us that the train was about to leave, so I got on through the nearest door.

However, the door nearest me turned out to be in first class, and another GWR employee informed me that I couldn’t sit down because I had a second class ticket. I explained the absence of seat H 71, and suggested that in the circumstances I might be able to sit in first class, but I was told that I’d have to ask the train manager. When I enquired as to his whereabouts, I was told that he was in coach A. Problem solved. Or not.

By this time, my back was killing me, and the aisles were packed with passengers who hadn’t been able to find seats, so I had about as much chance of getting to coach A to ask the train manager if I could sit in first class as I had of finding seat H 71. Luckily, a third GWR employee came up with a solution. He moved someone from a seat just inside second class to another seat in second class, from where he moved a third passenger. Presumably, he continued to move passengers until the train reached Reading, where someone got off, and the last passenger to be moved could finally sit down for the rest of the journey.

After we’d left Exeter (where the crew changes), I asked why there was no seat H 71. It seems that it was the wrong kind of train. Apparently, it should have been ‘one of the new ones’. In the circumstances, we were only half an hour late arriving in Penzance, so things could have been worse.

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